the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
