Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
try to milk me bitch
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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