I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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