god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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