Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
