guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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