Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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