weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
