Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
