Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
