dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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