Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
