your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
