Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
