I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
