His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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