I think im going to throw up on grandma
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am mentally ready for anal.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
