Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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