Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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