My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
