This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
