i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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