If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
