drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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