If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
