Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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