I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
