New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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