your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
