I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
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Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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