I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
