I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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