All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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