you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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