I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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