maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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