This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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