If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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