Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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