Your face is a jimmy john
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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