I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
