I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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