I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
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STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize