Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
