My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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