Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just had sex on a roof
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
