What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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