I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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