that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
