So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
