If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
