absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Operation Purity has been aborted
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
