I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
