just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
