I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am spending my child support on dildos
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
bring money and cleavage
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
