If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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