You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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