Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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