porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
