I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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