3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
