just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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