If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
