i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
