The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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